OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
