She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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