Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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