i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
