the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
