Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you had me at cake vodka
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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