The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
