Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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