No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
