Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
