Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
