evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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