omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
