I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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