The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
