You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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