and you said cock pushups were impossible
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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