would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize