You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
