Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
