If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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