I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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