I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
