i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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