Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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