I need to stop coming to work sober
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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