i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize