I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
