Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
