9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I want a musical about memes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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