Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
