If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
