I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
