Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
