not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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