My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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