So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
