This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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