can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
