Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
