i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
