you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
