i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
