I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
