they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
