Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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