my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
