I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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