Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
