new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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