I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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