he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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