I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
