someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
