And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
