I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
