Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
