update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
