When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
