You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
