good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
