I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize